Doctor Mishaps!

 Only in a hospital:
>
> Only in a hospital A man comes into the ER and yells,
> "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed
> my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
> and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
> that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
> Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
> elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
> "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be,"
> remorsefully replied the patient.
>
> Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
> wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
> infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
> reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
> "massive internal fart,"
>
> Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
> "So, how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,
> except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to
> the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
> jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
> "KY Jelly."
>
> Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
>
> And Finally . . . . . A new, young MD when doing his
> residency in OB, was quite embarrassed performing
> female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he
> had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling. The
> middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this
> exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
> embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
> sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She
> replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling
> was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
>
>
> Colonoscopy humor A physician claims these are
> actual comments from his patients made while he was
> performing colonoscopies:
>
> 1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no
> man has gone before."
>
> 2. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we
> there yet?"
>
> 3. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
>
> 4. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
>
> 5. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand
> out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
>
> 6. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
>
> 7. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying
> that my head is not, in fact, up there?"